Mom and me.

It’s been three years since Mom passed away and I want to share a lot of things with her. I want to tell her about my upcoming speaking engagement in Honolulu, Hawaii this week. I want to tell her about my dog, Oliver, and how sad I am that he’s been diagnosed with congestive heart failure (the same thing she died from).

I want to tell her that I’m in menopause and I have hot flashes a lot. I’m having one right now. I want to ask her why I’m having symptoms and she never did. I think of her when I look at my legs. I have her legs – varicose veins and all. I also have her round stomach. She gave birth to five children but unfortunately, I don’t have an excuse.

I long to taste her fried pork chops and rice with tomato gravy. I would give anything to sit at her dining room table and taste some of her freshly-percolated coffee, frying pan toast with strawberry preserves, and instant grits with lots of butter. Nothing made her happier than to cook for her children and see the smile on our faces when we would eat her lovingly-prepared meals.

“Is it good?” she’d ask. Even though she knew the answer, she enjoyed hearing us rave about how delicious everything tasted. I want to tell her that I’m making French toast for my husband, Brian, and his parents for Mother’s Day. I want to tell her how I plan to prepare it and how I’d love for her to taste it.

Just the other day I heard one of her favorite big-band songs on the television. I don’t know the title but I know she was in the room with me at that moment. She lets me know she’s present — when I hear certain songs, smell certain scents, or look out my bedroom window at the sunrise each morning.

I want to tell her that I’m doing well, working hard, and becoming a better writer. She would be so proud to know that my second book was published last November and would tell all her friends about it. I can hear her saying, “Honey, remember to keep a few copies in the trunk of your car, just in case someone wants to buy one.”

I miss taking her shopping and buying her nice things like her favorite Estée Lauder perfume. I want to take her to get her hair done. She desperately wanted her hair to look good regardless of how sick she felt. I remember going to Hospice on a Wednesday morning. I had planned to pick her up and take her to the beauty parlor. When I entered her room, she was still asleep. I learned that she had had a stroke the night before. When she woke up, she could barely respond to me when I talked to her. The nurse brought in a cup of soup and I fed her a few bites until she couldn’t eat anymore. This was her last meal. She died three days later.

I’d like to tell Mom what a good mom she was and that I miss her very much. Just one more time, I’d like to hold her tight, kiss and hug her, and wish her a Happy Mother’s Day!

What’s the best way to express your love, admiration, encouragement, and appreciation for someone? Send a greeting card!

The folks at Hallmark believe, as do I, that everyone has something they need to hear. Maybe it’s something sentimental like, “I love you” or maybe it’s a simple “thank you.” But instead of keeping these feelings to yourself, why not share them? Tell the people you care about what they need to hear, because just a few kind words can bring a smile to their face.

In an effort to spread kindness and make the world a more caring place, I’m partnering with Hallmark and we’re giving away a collection of greeting cards, appropriate for a variety of recipients and sending situations. This collection is valued at $50.00. This contest will begin on Sunday, May 6, 2012 and close on Friday, May 11, 2012 at 11:59pm EST.

There are three easy ways to enter:

1. Enter on my Facebook fan page. Don’t have a Facebook account? That’s okay. Just enter by clicking here.

2. Tweet the following message on Twitter: I entered @etiquetteexpert ‘s #contest to win an assortment of greeting cards by @HallmarkPR. http://bit.ly/KzJ2xf

3. Leave a comment below with your answer to this question: Why do you enjoy sending or receiving Hallmark greeting cards?

A winner will be randomly selected and notified by e-mail. Good luck!

Congratulations to Clare Spiegel for winning this giveaway. Thanks to everyone who entered. I received a total of 345 entries on Facebook, Twitter, and my blog!

If you’re like me and you’re interested in eating more plants and fewer animals, or if you’ve thought about (or tried) to go vegan but it didn’t last, my mentor and dear friend, Victoria Moran, has written a book just for us. It’s MAIN STREET VEGAN, 40 short, prescriptive essays covering every aspect of vegan living in a way that’s understanding, funny, realistic, and wise. Here is an excerpt.

By guest blogger, Victoria Moran

Sometimes, the thought of going vegan just plain scares people. It can seem complicated. Impractical. Exotic, but not in a good way. In reality, however, you’ve eaten vegan food every day of your life (unless you were ever on Atkins and consumed only roast beef and hard-boiled eggs until your best friend told you, in confidence, that you were starting to smell funny).

Think about it. Let’s say you get up and have for breakfast a glass of OJ, whole-wheat toast with peanut butter and strawberry jam, and Earl Grey tea with lemon. At lunchtime, you go to a salad bar and serve yourself a mixture of romaine and spinach, grated carrot, tomatoes, scallions, garbanzo beans, and black olives, and top it with a drizzle of French dressing; you grab some rye crackers and sesame breadsticks and a bottle of lime-infused sparkling water.

In the late afternoon, you eat an apple and what’s left in that little bag of roasted almonds you bought yesterday at Starbucks. For dinner, you open a bottle of red wine and let it breathe while you pour out baby greens from a bag and toss them with balsamic vinaigrette. Then you boil angel hair pasta, heat up a jar of marinara sauce, and steam a bunch of broccoli. There’s peach sorbet for dessert.

Guess what? You just spent a day eating as a vegan – without shopping at a health food store, or consuming anything unusual or derived from a soybean. Almost certainly you will, as a vegan, want to take advantage of what a natural food store has to offer and, unless you have a personal reason for avoiding soy, you’ll have a great time experimenting with the various “meats,” “milks,” “ice creams,” and “cheeses” made from this remarkable legume. But for the most part, vegan dining is built around foods with which you’re already familiar.

Even so, it’s not always easy to take this plunge. Most of us are used to eating animal foods and mass-produced foods that have a lot of their nutrition stripped away, but they come in packages we recognize and that make us feel safe. As a vegan, you’ll be eating a lot of fruits and vegetables – no packaging at all – and many of the prepared foods you’ll try come from small companies you may not have heard of before. This can be disconcerting because it’s unfamiliar. But those corporate giants that want to addict you to their greasy, salty, sugary, chemical-laced products aren’t old friends: they’re just old! These are the guys who want you to think that Twinkies are normal and artichokes are weird.

We vegans comprise only a tiny segment of the population, but our numbers are growing rapidly, and legions of other folks are trying to eat healthier and cut back on animal products, without eliminating them entirely. This means there’s more food for us to eat in more places than ever before, even though the world at large isn’t quite set up for us yet. Although eating a whole-foods, plant-based diet can keep you thin, safeguard your health, and give you a new lease on life, it can also make you something of an oddity at the family reunion. That’s the price of being a trailblazer, but when you think about all it’s doing for you – not to mention the animals and the environment – that price is pretty darned low.

Decide, then, that you can do this, because you can. You learned how to drive a car, program the DVR, and use your iGadgets; compared to those accomplishments, going vegan is a piece of Wacky Cake (see the recipe at the end of this chapter). The biggest obstacle most would-be vegans face is feeling different from other people, but you can change how you see that by replacing different with pioneering.

People who worked for the abolition of slavery in the 1700s and 1800s were considered different, extreme, and out of touch with economic realities. Suffragists in the US and the UK were seen as hysterical and out of control because they believed that women should have the right to vote. Both blacks and whites who were part of the American civil rights movement in the mid-20th century were called radical, even criminal.

You’ll be in good company, then, when some benighted soul tells you to stop being a “health nut” (I’d rather be a healthy “nut” than a sick something else), or a “bleeding heart” (vegan Chloë Jo Davis of the fashion site, GirlieGirlArmy.com, recently tweeted: “Better a bleeding heart than no heart at all” – cheers to that!). Let’s face it, being ahead of one’s time is always inconvenient; but if nobody forged ahead despite inconvenience, nothing would ever change for the better….

Somebody way smarter than me said that we reap what we sow, and in living as a vegan, you sow the seeds of an amazing life. People who live on unadulterated, plant-based foods, and who make some effort to take care of themselves in other ways, tend to be trim, attractive, energetic, and effective. If this is what you want – and you must, since you’re reading this book – hurray for you! Decide that you can do this. And prepare yourself for a grand adventure.

From MAIN STREET VEGAN: Everything You Need to Know to Eat Healthfully and Live Compassionately in the Real World, by Victoria Moran, with Adair Moran.

Web site: http://mainstreetvegan.net
Amazon: http://tinyurl.com/7hfv4ox
BN.com: http://tinyurl.com/6lvjq8t

A couple of months ago when I was on an airplane, I ordered a glass of wine. As I poured the wine into my plastic cup the woman sitting next to me said, “Now, I’m jealous.” I knew that I had an extra drink coupon in my purse so I said to her, “Do you like red or white?” She told me that she liked white so I gave the flight attendant my coupon and bought her a glass of wine.

The woman smiled and thanked me and asked if she could buy me a glass of wine. “No, thank you,” I said. “Just pay it forward.” Then we started to chat. At one point in our conversation, the woman revealed to me that she had just had back surgery and that the wine helped ease her pain. It gave me a good feeling to know that this small gesture made her feel better.

There are a lot of other positive social consequences to being kind – other people appreciate you, they’re grateful, and they are more apt to reciprocate the favor. Just think how much kinder people would be to each other if everyone would pay it forward.

Today is Pay It Forward Day! It’s a day when we all can make a positive difference, spread some cheer, and do something nice for someone. Here are some ways that you can pay it forward:

• Buy a stranger a cup of coffee.
• Hold the door open for someone.
• Pay for the next person’s toll, food, gas, etc.
• Take books or stuffed animals to the elderly at a skilled nursing facility.
• Buy a glass of wine or a beer for a stranger in a restaurant or on an airplane.
• Take some energy bars to a homeless person standing on the side of the road.
• Mow a neighbor’s yard.
• Write a thank-you note to someone.
• Give a co-worker a plant or bouquet of flowers.
• Take a meal to a sick friend.
• Call someone you haven’t spoken to in a long time.
• Give an extra-large tip to a server.

Can you add to this list? I’d love to know what you plan to do to pay it forward today.

During the early years of our marriage, my husband, Brian, and I decided to host a dinner party for a few of our friends. I didn’t have much experience in entertaining and neither did he. Unfortunately, I didn’t plan my menu very well and decided to serve something I had never cooked before — beef tenderloin. I asked Brian how long he thought it would take to partially sear it on the grill and then finish baking it in the oven. “It shouldn’t take more than 45 minutes,” he said assuredly as he stood there with one hand on his hip examining the slab of raw meat with a fork.

Today I know better than to ask my husband for cooking advice, and here’s why. Our guests arrived and the tenderloin was still rare. It needed at least another hour to cook. I really hadn’t planned on serving any hors d’oeuvres, but I found myself frantically scrounging around in my pantry until I found a half-eaten bag of chips and some stale nuts. Out of necessity, I served these humble munchies to my guests while plying them with a few extra cocktails until the meal was finally ready to serve.

All in all, everyone had a great time and I learned a few lessons in the process: When a culinary catastrophe happens, it’s important to keep your cool and your guests will never notice. Furthermore, let go of the need to be perfect, laugh at yourself, and don’t take your stress out on your spouse or partner if you want to keep your relationship intact. (I’m still practicing this one!)

It’s not necessary to be a gourmet chef or a professional party planner to coordinate a casual or elegant event. All you need is a little bit of preparation, an adventurous spirit, and a good sense of humor. Brian and I have gotten more skilled at entertaining over the years so here are some of my top tips for throwing a successful dinner party.

1. Do your homework. Find out ahead of time if any of your guests have food allergies or other dietary restrictions and plan your menu accordingly or prepare a buffet with a variety of items from which to choose.

2. Keep a list. Just as you would with a business plan, write down all of the items you need to make your meal complete. It’s especially frustrating when you think you have all of your ingredients and then discover in the midst of cooking that you don’t have enough salt, sugar, or butter.

3. Have a variety of beverages on hand. The mark of a good host is to have a few bottles of red and white wine along with plenty of nonalcoholic beverages for the teetotalers in the group.

4. Stock up on snacks. This includes nuts, chips, salsa or dip, one or two different cheeses, crackers, and one or two kinds of frozen appetizers. Choose hors d’oeuvres that are easy to eat and require only one bite. This will ensure that no one gets crumbs on his or her nice outfit or on your floor.

5. Do as much as possible the day before. I like to set my table the night before. I also prefer to clean and polish my serving pieces and fill my salt and pepper shakers a few days before the party to avoid last-minute flurries.

6. Iron your linens. When you are serving cocktails, provide linen cocktail napkins or, at the very least, decorative paper cocktail napkins. For dinners, I prefer linen napkins because they’re more elegant than paper ones.

7. Set the mood. Candles are an easy, inexpensive, quick way to make any home more inviting. And we all know that everyone and everything looks better by candlelight. Buy as many candles as you can and place them throughout your house.

8. Choose your tunes. Music is a vital element in the staging of a good dinner party, as it sets the tone for the evening. Create a dinner party playlist on your iPod or iPhone or preset your CD player so there’s music in the air when your guests arrive and keep it playing throughout the evening.

9. Preset your coffee and tea service. About an hour before your party, set up your coffeemaker and put cream, milk, sugar, and sweetener in decorative containers. Put condiments in attractive bowls or containers rather than placing bottles directly on the table. Put your coffee cups, saucers, teaspoons, and assorted teas on a tray on a side table.

10. Keep fragrant items off the table. Scented candles and flowers can compete with and even overpower food aromas. I say this on behalf of anyone who’s ever been overwhelmed by the scent of stargazer lilies or a scented pine candle while attempting to enjoy dinner.

Bonus tip: Make time for yourself. Allow plenty of time to shower, get dressed, and look your best for your party. You’ll want to greet your guests at the door with a relaxed smile on your face. The more prepared you are, the more comfortable you will feel, and the better time you’ll have at your own party.

I’d love to hear from you. What steps do you take to ensure a successful dinner party?

By guest blogger, Jorie Scholnik

In just two weeks, I’ll be attending my sister’s graduation from the University of Central Florida. This is an exciting time for my sister and the 10,000 others students who will be graduating with her. It’s a time when the graduates will celebrate their achievements and look forward to a new chapter in their lives. If you’re like me and will be attending a graduation this spring, here are some tips to observe in order to keep graduation a happy occasion for your family and the other families in attendance.

Expect to arrive early and stay until after the last name is called. Give yourself plenty of time to find a parking space, walk to the auditorium, and then find a seat where your entire family can sit together. Also, as a courtesy to all the graduates, you should not leave until the event is completely over.

Practice patience. Your graduate will most likely want to take pictures with his or her friends afterwards…and more pictures…and more pictures. Expect long lines at restaurants too, especially in a college town.

Silence yourself and your cell phone. A lot of schools bring in well-known speakers to perform the commencement speech and some people in the audience want to pay attention. Be considerate as this could be the first person in someone’s family to graduate and they may want to listen to every word.

Practice picture etiquette. When your graduate is quickly approaching the stage, line up to take your pictures, but then leave immediately after she or he crosses the stage. Make room for other families who also want to take pictures.

Be aware of your surroundings. Don’t scream at the top of your lungs when your graduate’s name is called because families near you may not be able to hear their graduate’s name being called afterwards. Never insult any graduate or make any negative comments about people in the program.

Leave the post-graduation questions at home. It can be very stressful for some graduates, especially right after accomplishing a major milestone, to field questions about graduate school or obtaining a job. Instead, keep the conversation light and ask questions about the graduate’s college experience or inquire about activities and landmarks on campus.

Keep the peace. Don’t let family feuds get in the way of celebrating. It’s unfair to the graduate to have to worry about seating arrangements and family tensions while taking pictures.

Jorie Scholnik currently works as an assistant professor at Santa Fe College in Gainesville, Florida, where she teaches career and etiquette classes. She has also been working under Jacqueline Whitmore at The Protocol School of Palm Beach for the past six years. She earned her master’s degree in counseling and her undergraduate degrees in public relations and psychology from the University of Florida. Her two favorite commencement speeches were given by Steve Jobs and Ellen DeGeneres.

I was surprised and delighted to learn that I was recently recommended as one of the top five Twitter feeds to follow by Entrepreneur magazine. According to the article, Five To Follow, my twitter feed (@etiquetteexpert) offers invaluable insight for entrepreneurs who want to better understand Chinese business etiquette and want to avoid blunders that could foil a potential deal.

If you’re looking to capitalize on the opportunities available in the growing Asian economy, here are my top five tips for doing business in China.

Eating and Drinking: If you are more senior to the person you are toasting, you should raise your glass slightly higher than the other person’s glass. Don’t stick your chopsticks into your food, and especially not into your rice. This is only done at funerals with rice that is put onto the alter. When not in use, leave your chopsticks side by side, down on the table or on a chopstick stand.

Introductions: Never omit official titles, and never call your Chinese contact by his or her first name unless you are invited to do so. Chinese names are traditionally listed in the opposite order from names in the West. Family names (or surnames) are written first, followed by the first name. To show respect, Chinese are addressed only by their family name and title. For example, Hsin Wu would be addressed as Director Hsin or Chairman Hsin, not as Wu.

Personal Space: Typically, Chinese businesspeople bow slightly when greeting another person. Stand approximately 2 1/2 to 3 feet apart. Give yourself enough space to bow without infringing on your counterpart’s space. When greeting foreigners, the Chinese often follow up their bow with a handshake.

Business Cards: Like most aspects of greetings in China, the exchange of business cards should be treated with respect. The Chinese use two hands to present their card. Receive the card with two hands and acknowledge it before putting it away. Your cards should be printed with Chinese on one side and your language on the other.

Negotiations: Generally the Chinese like to build a trusting relationship first before discussing business. Don’t talk business right away. When a contract or other document is presented to you, never sign your name in red ink. In Buddhist traditions, personal names should never be written in red unless the person is dead.

The handshake is a sign of goodwill and mutual respect. But in the business world a handshake-gone-awry can send the wrong message.

In my business etiquette seminars, I describe the four hazardous handshakes: The “Bone Crusher,” a.k.a. “The Terminator;” the “Finger Holder” or the “Queen’s Handshake;” the limp, dead fish (self-explanatory) and the “Rubber Glover,” where both hands are gripped (popular among politicians).

A handshake reveals a lot about a person. It reveals one’s traits, feelings, and motivations. It may also reflect how you feel about yourself. For example, someone with a limp handshake might not be as assertive as the Bone Crusher.

If you want to perfect your handshake you should stand when you shake someone’s hand. Look the other person in the eye.

Smile. When you extend your hand, make sure your fingers are extended and your thumb is up until contact is made. Give two or three quick pumps and you’re done. If you want to show a little extra sincerity, linger a few seconds before letting go.

While I was cleaning out my closet today, I came across some Easter cards that my dad and grandparents sent me approximately 40 years ago. I would call these “vintage,” wouldn’t you? Even today, I still love receiving and sending Easter cards.

I also found this picture of my brother, Rod, and me. It was taken on Easter morning 1978. I was 13 years old and he was 10 years old. I always looked forward to Easter when I was growing up because Mom (or the Easter Bunny) would buy us an Easter basket and a brand new outfit to wear to church. I remember this dress so well. I loved all the ruffles and pink flowers. I’m also wearing one of my first pair of high heels. I felt so pretty and grown up in this dress!

Here are some other things that remind me of Easter:

• Orchid corsages
• Easter lilies
• Golden Rain trees
• Azaleas
• Easter Sunrise Service
• A Passion Play
• Delicious Sunday dinner
• Chocolate bunnies
• Jelly beans
• Colored eggs

Since Easter is right around the corner, I recommend that you visit the Hershey’s Bunny Trail, where you can find Easter tips, stories and memories. You can also find some delicious recipes and great egg decorating ideas! What are some of your fondest Easter memories?