December 18th, 2014
Several years ago I hosted a holiday brunch at my house and one of my guests gave me a hostess gift. When she left, I opened the bag and found a pretty candle tucked inside. I also found an envelope. When I opened the envelope, I discovered that it was addressed to her. I had just received a re-gift! I kept the candle but I never said a word to her.
Is it proper to re-gift something that you don’t want or need? Many years ago etiquette experts discouraged the practice. But times have changed and so have our gift-giving habits.
After the recession, re-gifting has become more popular and acceptable. In fact, more than three in four Americans find re-gifting socially acceptable, according to a recent survey from American Express. And last year, consumers re-gifted an average of four presents.
Today is National Re-gifting Day. So if you plan to re-gift an item, follow these rules:
Mind your social circles. Don’t re-gift a present among the same social circle. That means if your co-worker gave you a bad present last year, it shouldn’t make an appearance at this year’s office party. Same goes with gifts among friends and extended family. To make sure you don’t break this rule, keep all potential re-gifts in a closet with Post-It notes attached to each item detailing when, where and who gave the gift.
Make sure some time has lapsed. While you don’t want to give dated gifts, give a little breathing room between when you receive and re-purpose a gift to avoid having the original giver ask about it.
It has to be the right fit. A re-gift has to come with the right intention, meaning it must fit the receiver’s style and be something you would likely have purchased on your own as a gift. Maybe that scarf is not quite right for you, but you know your best friend will love it. That’s acceptable.
Don’t re-gift with immediate family members. Skip the re-gift option when it comes to parents and siblings. If you have something that you know your sister would like just give it to her and tell her the situation. Don’t try and pass it off as an original gift.
The gift has to have value. Unless it’s an heirloom or antique, a re-gift should always be something new. Something you got for free or something with someone else’s initials is also generally off the re-gift table.
Keep the original packaging, but always re-wrap. A re-gifted product should be given in its original packaging, but always keep the seals intact and take the time to re-wrap it. And always double check to make sure a personal note or something extra wasn’t added inside the boxed item.
Admit it when caught. If you get caught recycling a gift, own up to it. Yes, it will be embarrassing but don’t dwell on it. Just address it, explain why you thought the person would like it and change the subject.
December 5th, 2014
Among the roughly five million visitors expected in New York this holiday season, at least two are certain to get the royal treatment. Britain’s Prince William and his wife, Kate, will be making their first visit to the Big Apple on Sunday.
International etiquette expert and author Jacqueline Whitmore shares the following tips for those lucky enough to meet the royal couple during their three-day visit.
Properly known as the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge, address Prince William as “Your Royal Highness” at the start of a conversation, followed by “Sir” in later conversation. Address the Duchess of Cambridge as “Your Royal Highness” at the start of a conversation, followed by “Ma’am” (to rhyme with jam) throughout your conversation. But those close to them say the “relaxed” couple are not sticklers for the exact rules.
Be prepared with a few conversation icebreakers. Stick to topics that most interest the couple. For example, William enjoys talking about polo and many of his favorite charities including fighting illegal trade in wildlife parts.
Kate loves talking about her 17-month old son, Prince George. She is also expecting her second child in April. Kate also loves fashion. She’s a style icon whose outfits can sell out in stores within hours after she’s seen in them. Look for her to pack some American labels for her trip to the U.S. It’s a tradition to pay some fashion tributes to a host country.
It’s best to wait until William or Kate offers their hand to you before you extend yours. Give a slightly firm (not a bone crushing or limp, dead fish) handshake. If you wear gloves, remove your right glove before shaking hands. And never give a cold, wet, clammy handshake.
It is not necessary for an American citizen to bow or curtsy to William and Kate as you are not one of their royal subjects.
If you are a British or Commonwealth citizen, you should bow if male, and curtsy if female. Bow from the neck, not the waist. To curtsy, place one foot behind the other and slightly bend both knees.
Maintain eye contact throughout the greeting.
Physical contact including hugging and air kissing should be avoided unless the couple initiates the gesture of affection.
December 3rd, 2014
Thanksgiving has come and gone, so you know what that means? It’s party time!
In order to gear up for Christmas and New Years, you’ll want to make sure your home is prepped and ready to have people over to celebrate with holiday cheer. The best rule to keep in mind is the five Ps: prior planning prevents poor performance.
Here are my 10 tips for being a hospitable host and how to throw the best holiday party ever:
1. Do your homework:
Find out ahead of time if any of your guests have food allergies or other dietary restrictions and plan your menu accordingly or prepare a buffet with a variety of items. Keep it simple and serve what you know. Don’t try to serve an unfamiliar, complicated, or labor-intensive dish your first time out.
2. Keep a list:
Write down all of the items you need to make your meal complete. It’s especially frustrating when you think you have all of your ingredients and then discover in the midst of cooking that you don’t have enough salt, sugar or butter.
3. Have a variety of beverages on hand:
The mark of a good host is to have a few bottles of red and white wine along with plenty of nonalcoholic beverages for the non-drinkers of the group.
4. Stock up on snacks:
This includes nuts, chips, salsa or dip, one or two different cheeses, crackers, and one or two kinds of frozen appetizers. Choose hors d’oeuvres that are easy to eat and require only one bite. This will ensure that no one gets crumbs on his or her nice outfit or on your floor.
5. Do as much as possible the day before:
Don’t wait until the last minute. Set your table the night before. Clean and polish your serving pieces and fill your salt and pepper shakers a few days before your dinner party to avoid last-minute flurries.
6. Iron your linens:
When you are serving cocktails, provide linen cocktail napkins or, at the very least, decorative paper cocktail napkins. For dinner, use linen napkins because they’re more elegant than paper ones.
7. Set the mood:
Candles are an easy, inexpensive, quick way to make any home more inviting. Buy as many candles as you can and place them throughout your house. Remember to reserve a few unscented ones for the dinner table. Light your candles approximately 15 or 20 minutes prior to your guests’ arrival, and then light the candles on your dinner table just before everyone sits down to dine.
8. Choose your tunes:
Music is a vital element in the staging of a good holiday get together, as it sets the tone for the evening. Create a dinner party playlist on your iPod or iPhone or preset your CD player so there’s music in the air when your guests arrive and keep it playing throughout the evening. (I love Jazz Holidays Radio on Pandora)
9. Preset your coffee and tea service:
About an hour before your party, set up your coffeemaker and put cream, milk, sugar, and sweetener in decorative containers. Put condiments in attractive bowls or containers rather than placing bottles directly on the table. Put your coffee cups, saucers, teaspoons, and assorted teas on a tray on a side table.
10. Make time for yourself:
Allow plenty of time to shower, get dressed, and look your best for your party. You’ll want to greet your guests at the door with a relaxed smile on your face. The more prepared you are, the more comfortable you will feel, and the better time you’ll have at your own party.
For more great entertaining tips, check out my book POISED FOR SUCCESS: Mastering the Four Qualities That Distinguish Outstanding Professionals.
November 25th, 2014
As the holiday season approaches, I’m reminded of a woman named Cami Walker, author of the bestselling book, 29 Gifts: How a Month of Giving Can Change Your Life.
Just one month after her wedding day, Walker was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis, an incurable neurological condition. The life she loved was gone. Her symptoms became unbearable and she lost the use of her hands, the vision in one eye and eventually the ability to walk. She was spiraling into a deep depression and an addiction to pain medication. In need of a friend, Walker called her old neighbor, a spiritual teacher named Mbali.
“I called her thinking I would have a little pity party,” Walker says. “Instead, she told me, ‘Stop thinking about yourself.'” She gave Walker a prescription: Give something away every day for 29 days.
Walker was skeptical at first, but when a new series of medical treatments failed to help her symptoms, she decided to take Mbali’s advice.
For one month, Walker focused her energy on simple acts of kindness, like calling a friend going through a tough time or handing a flower to a stranger on the street. Though the gifts weren’t always extravagant and often didn’t cost a dime, Walker says the meaning behind her gifts created a shift in her life. “Our thinking has a lot of power, but I think it goes a little deeper,” she says. “There is definitely a spiritual element.”
As the days went on, her altruism began to have a life-changing impact on her physical and mental health. “By day 14 I was able to walk,” she says. “By day 29 I was working part time again.” Although the giving cycle couldn’t cure her MS, Walker says she regained the ability to live her life.
Since finishing her 29 days, Walker has continued to find ways to give daily and has created a global movement on 29Gifts.org. She is still feeling the positive effects. “I’ve had three MRIs showing no new damage. That’s a really good sign,” she says.
This holiday season, why not embrace the spirit of giving with your own 29 days of kindness? Remember, gifts do not need to be material. “You can just sit and listen to someone, for example,” Walker says. “The most important thing is that the gift is offered. Find an opportunity with open heart and don’t expect anything in return.”
To get you started, here are a few of Walker’s favorite gifts:
- Make dinner for your significant other.
- Make a point of calling a friend just to talk.
- Hand out flowers on the street to make someone’s day.
- Give an unexpected tip. Walker gave a tip to a group of kids performing a break-dancing routine on the street.
- Help a stranger in need.
Instead of planning out your month of giving, Walker says to go through each day looking for opportunities to present themselves. And if you miss a day, don’t beat yourself up over it. “It’s not about being a perfectionist,” she says.
Give someone special an inspirational book this holiday season. I highly recommend Cami Walker’s book!
November 18th, 2014
Did you know that November 17 was National Unfriend Day? Several years ago, talk show host Jimmy Kimmel designated this day for parring down your list of friends on Facebook.
We all know someone who makes us want to unfriend them or quit Facebook altogether when they show up in our news feed. Facebook was designed to be an effective tool to stay in touch with family and friends. But instead, the following personality types seem to use it as a platform to brag, rant or overshare.
Here are the five most annoying people on Facebook:
1. The Ranter: The person who likes to rant about trivial things. He hates this and can’t stand that. He constantly complains and nothing you can say or do will make him happy.
2. The Braggart: The person who wants you to know how smart or good looking she is or how smart her kids or pets are. Braggarts are addicted to posting selfies and share endless pictures of their children or pets.
3. The Debbie Downer: The person who has nothing positive to say. He wants everyone to know how bad his life is.
4. The Politician: The person who talks about nothing but politics and what’s wrong with his city, county or country. He loves to inflame others’ opinions and post long responses to comments.
5. The Stalker: The person who uses Facebook as a way to check up on people but NEVER contributes by posting or “liking” what you or others have to say.
To avoid your Facebook posts from becoming annoying or inappropriate, use discretion. Your Facebook wall allows others to know what you’re doing, thinking or feeling. Exercise some restraint before you post. If you wouldn’t feel comfortable with your local newspaper printing your status update as tomorrow’s headline, don’t put it on Facebook.
Make sure the photos you post are appropriate. Unless you customize your privacy settings, anyone (including your employer) can see what you pictures you post. Don’t compromise yourself or your reputation by sharing photos with scantily clad men or women, obscene gestures or other questionable activities.
Are you planning to clean up your list of friends this week? Comment below and tell me how many people you decide to let go.
November 2nd, 2014
Recently I had the privilege of traveling to Toronto, Canada where I presented my one-day workshop, “Outshine Your Competition and Build a Better Brand” to the Association of Image Consultants Association Canada Chapter. Members and guests traveled from as far away as Las Vegas, Nevada and Rochester Hills, Michigan to attend.
During the workshop, I taught the participants how to garner more media attention and increase their revenue by using my time-tested marketing strategies.
The highlight of the day was hearing the members and guests share their own business stories, challenges, and successes. Each one of us left with unique insights and solutions to many complex business issues.
A special thank you goes to the VP of Programs, Dominique Vaughan-Russell, who graciously hosted this event and to Angele Dèsgagné for hosting me in her home. Her warm and charming hospitality made me feel comfortable and welcome.
Here’s what some of the AICI Canada members had to say about the workshop:
“The workshop with Jacqueline was even more helpful than I imagined it would be. She is an extremely generous and totally inspiring speaker who was very open about every aspect of her own business experiences. I came away with many clear and straightforward ideas that I could implement right away. Her openness and honesty were refreshing. She even gifted each of us with a signed copy of her newest book. It was a day well spent.”
Diane Ballos, AICI Member
“I thoroughly enjoyed Jacqueline’s ‘Outshine the Competition and Build a Better Brand’ workshop. She was engaging and inclusive, and we were all given the opportunity to participate and improve our messages and presentation skills. Jacqueline is a consummate professional and a wonderful presenter.”
Dominique Vaughan-Russell, AICI FLC
“The workshop was very informative. The materials Jacqueline delivered and shared was detailed and useful to the business of image consulting and professional development, especially the tips on how to write articles and start a blog. Jacqueline made sure the session was engaging and left room for questions to be asked and for other attendees to share their personal stories. I would recommend this session to other professionals and business owners.”
Morenike Tundeidowu, AICI Member
“Jacqueline is an inspiring speaker! I personally appreciated Jacqueline’s incredible insights and wisdom. Her willingness to openly share her own personal struggles and successes was most refreshing. I took away many tips that I can put to use right away.”
Angele Dèsgagné, AICI CIP
November 1st, 2014
It may seem like a simple affair, but a birthday party for a child can bring up a lot of questions. Especially with small children and preschoolers, it’s difficult to know what’s appropriate and what’s not. You may be wondering: “Do I need to have goodie bags for every guest?” Or, “Can I bring my other children along?”
Here are some birthday party etiquette tips for hosts and guests:
If you’re the host:
- Don’t discipline someone else’s children.
- Set a spending limit so no one tries to “out spend” your other guests.
- Set a timeline for your party so your guests don’t overstay their welcome.
- Help your child write thank-you notes to all those who attended the party.
- Provide each child with a small goodie bag filled with a toy or baked goods to take home so everyone feels important.
When you and your child are invited to a party:
- RSVP. If you say you’re going to attend, please attend. Reply within one week of receiving the invitation. Don’t wait until the last minute.
- Bring only who is invited on the invitation. Siblings should only attend if they are invited.
- Bring a gift or make a donation in the child’s name to the parents’ favorite charity.
- Stick to your budget on presents and don’t try to outdo other parents.
- It’s not absolutely necessary to send a gift if you cannot attend the party, but a birthday card is a nice gesture.
October 30th, 2014
Halloween is right around the corner and that means dress up day at the office or in school, trick-or-treating with the kids, and of course lots and lots of candy. But what about Halloween etiquette? What are the dos and don’ts of the holiday?
Here are some etiquette tips to having a “spook”tacular time on Halloween:
Keep the corporate culture in mind: If your office or school is having a Halloween party, stay away from sexy bustiers, guns and other inappropriate outfits. If it’s questionable or possibly offensive to others, then don’t wear it.
Never come empty handed to a party: It can be a bottle of wine or a nice fall decoration, but always bring something for your hostess to show your appreciation.
To knock or not: When trick-or-treating, knock or ring the doorbell once and that’s it. If no answer, move on to the next house. Only knock if the lights are on. If the lights are off, move on to the next house.
Don’t leave a bowl of candy on the front porch: If you’re not going to be home, it’s best to not put anything on the front porch and just leave your lights off. Leaving a bowl of candy out front is old fashioned and all your candy will be gone in minutes. If you encounter this situation, use it as a teaching moment with your children to share and have them take only one piece of candy.
Stick to packaged candy: It’s best not to give out baked goods, candy apples or anything homemade. Stick to candy that is sealed in a wrapper or be unique and give something less traditional like a children’s book or a silver dollar.
Show your gratitude: Always say “thank you” when someone puts candy in your pumpkin or pillowcase.
October 25th, 2014
The holidays are just a few weeks away. Gift giving is a wonderful tradition during the holiday season, but it can also be stressful. However, a little preparation will help you cut back on stress as the holidays approach. Though it may seem early, set aside time now and decide whom you want to give holiday gifts to this year. If you can’t think of the perfect gift for someone, consider a gift card to his or her favorite store, restaurant or brand.
Gift cards are thoughtful and flexible because they allow the recipient the freedom to choose his or her own gift. In addition, your friends and family members will be able to use your gift card to take advantage of promotions after the holidays. Here are some dos and don’ts of gift card etiquette.
Purchase a gift card from a store. Bank gift cards are acceptable, and certainly better than nothing, but it’s not as personal or thoughtful as a store gift card. While they offer more flexibility — you can use them nearly anywhere — bank gift cards are generic and bland. Instead, take a little extra time to find out at which stores your recipient prefers to shop. He or she will appreciate the personalization and recognize that you put a little extra effort into the gift.
Account for the recipient’s preferences. When you decide to purchase a gift card, consider the likes and interests of the recipient. If the gift card is for a close friend or family member, try to stay away from cards from big box brands and instead choose a store that means something to your recipient. A gift card to a local coffee shop is perfect for the coffee lover in your life while a gift card to a spa may be the best choice for a friend who would love to take a day off and be pampered.
Decide on a dollar amount. How much you give is a personal decision and should be based on your financial situation. However, there are some basic guidelines to help you make your decision. Gift cards for acquaintances, co-workers or casual friends should be in the $10–$20 range. If your recipient is a close friend, sibling or other family member, select a gift card with a value of $30–$75. For spouses and anyone you want to recognize in a big way, opt for a gift card worth $75 or higher.
Include the receipt. Though it would be unusual for a recipient to have an issue when he or she tries to redeem the gift card, there’s always an off chance it was improperly activated or the card’s magnetic strip was damaged. The receipt will help to solve any problem the recipient may encounter. In addition, the receipt clearly states the amount on the gift card, which is especially important if the card doesn’t have a space designated for you to write the amount.
Include a note. Personalize the gift card with a handwritten note. If it’s for an experience, such as dinner at a restaurant, you could say something like, “Please enjoy a meal on me at your favorite steakhouse.” Even if the recipient lives far away, opt for a mailed gift card. Though many brands offer online gift cards delivered through email, a physical gift will show the recipient you put more thought into it.
Re-gift wisely. It’s okay to re-gift a gift card you don’t want or will never use. However, be careful not to seem unappreciative to the person who originally gave you the gift card. Remember to re-gift the card to someone outside the group of friends, family members or acquaintances in which you received it. For example, if your brother gives you a gift card to a particular store, don’t re-gift it to your mother. Instead, pass it along to a friend or co-worker.
Are you a fan of gift cards? If so, what kind of gift cards do you enjoy giving or receiving?
October 17th, 2014
Is technology affecting your relationship? A 2014 Nielsen survey found that the average American spends 11 hours on social media, and more than half of that time is spent looking at a smartphone or tablet.
Don’t let bad habits get in the way of your love life. Observe these cell phone etiquette tips while out on a date.
1. Be all there. When you’re on a date, especially a first date, the person you are with should always take precedence over calls you want to make or receive. It’s sad when couples are at a restaurant and are more interested in their phones than the person sitting in front of them. Put people first, technology second.
2. Excuse yourself. If you are expecting a call that can’t be postponed, alert your date ahead of time and excuse yourself when the call comes in if discussing private matters or confidential information. If you do take the call at the dinner table, keep it as brief as possible and avoid “cell yell.” Use your regular conversational tone when speaking on your phone.
3. Avoid ridiculous and loud ringtones. Never put your phone (or your handbag, keys, sunglasses or anything you can’t eat) directly on the table. Keep your phone concealed and remember to silence the ringtone. If you forget and it happens to ring, don’t ignore it and pretend someone else’s phone is ringing. Apologize and silence it immediately.
4. It’s permissible to pull out your phone three times on a date. 1) To take a picture with your date, 2) to show your date pictures of a family baby or pet, and 3) to find the answer to a perplexing trivia question that comes up in conversation. If on a date with multiple couples, show the photo to everybody at the table so no one feels excluded.
5. Ask permission. If you must take out your smartphone while on a date, always ask permission first. Say something like, “Do you mind if I take out my phone to _________?” If taking photos with your date, always be respectful our their privacy and ask for permission before posting them to Facebook, Twitter or Instagram.